How are YOU doing?

Something is in the water today...let me tell you! I have had I shit you not 6 friends reach out to me freaking out about their significant others or potential S.O.'s today and there was one common thread between all of it... They were so fixated on how the other person was feeling or what they were doing that they forgot to check in with themselves.

Dating is hard! No one is expecting dating to be easy. We've got the 3 C's, communication, compromise and commitment of relationships but that doesn't mean it will all pan out! It's normal. Not every relationship is meant to work and not every relationship will. It's life and you can do everything right and it'll still be fucked up.

But through all of this the most important thing you can do is check in with yourself. You cannot control someone else's reactions but you can control how you react to them. You're so worried about if this other person likes you that you forgot to even ask if YOU liked THEM. So you're probably thinking, "Hey Mihika, that all sounds great but how?" Here's what you're going to do:

First off, you're going to step back and look at yourself and recognize how important of a person you are. You are going to remember that you are truly and wholly worthy of love and deserving of respect. Your energy is precious currency. You are a beautiful soul. You have so much to offer and give. Your time is not worth being wasted. You respect yourself and have strong boundaries. You are a fucking bad ass.

Second off, I do NOT care if this other person likes you. I do not care what this other person is to you. I do not care about any of it. I care about how YOU feel about this person. So, I am going to ask you a series of questions to which if any of the answers are NO, you need to do some reflecting here:

1. Are your needs being met?

2. Are you being given what you deserve?

3. Do they make you feel safe?

4. Are you making excuses for this person's behavior?

5. Does this person respect your boundaries?

6. How do you feel when you think about this person? Is is warm and bubbly? Is it agitated and angry? Is your energy being used in the wrong way.

7. Are they making you a better person?

So how are you feeling? Are you in tune with yourself yet? We let people take away so much of ourselves and emotions by fixating on what their needs our that often times we forget about our own. Do you need to take space to be with yourself? The whole idea behind dating is that you are interviewing this person to fit into YOUR life not the other way around. Is this person making you a better every day? Do they challenge you in the right ways?

And if you don't have an answer to all of that right this second, it's okay! Just remember that if someone wants to be with you, they will make sure that you know. If you need to question anything the likelihood is the answer is no. Stop taking time out of your day to obsess over what they meant and making assumptions about what you think they mean. If you cannot clearly communicate what you want to each other and if you can't respect each other in that way to be straight up then you're doing a disservice to yourself. Mixed signals are in fact an answer and unfortunately most of the time not the ones you are looking for. Effort is the most attractive quality when it comes too dating. It's what saves most relationships.

If someone is not meeting your needs then it is time to cut the chord. Plain and simple. Some may call me cold but I don't care about the history behind it. I don't want the excuses. If someone isn't meeting my needs then it's chop chop. It won't be easy but neither will having the energy and life drained out of you. Think about how much time you'll have and how much you could accomplish if you just focused on you. You would be setting a path and creating positive space and energy around you to bring you the love and partner you truly deserve.

Your partner is a mirror and extension of you. They will bring out your flaws and you theirs but it's all about how you work through those moments together. I'll say it a million times, its you guys vs. the problem not the problem between you. A healthy relationship has healthy boundaries and is full of respect. If you're constantly making excuses for someone else's actions then you are in fact disrespecting yourself and wasting your time. Personally, I only have a limited amount of fucks to give and if one person is using all of them up then I've got a lot of re-evaluating to do. How about you?

xoxo

Mihika