Just take out the damn trash.

I was just doing the most menial of tasks, sweeping my floor, when a thought hit me. You see, I was feeling lazy and even though I had already swept all the dust/dirt/random things my dog has chewed up into a pile. However, the dustpan was upstairs and I didn't feel like going to go get it. I made every excuse I could from my hip hurts to it's too cold outside. Then it hit me, just because you do the sweeping doesn't mean the dirt is gone. You've just moved it somewhere else. You haven't actually cleaned up at all.

So here I am, tired from a whole day of work, cramping and honestly just fucking ready to go to bed, going through the motions to "feel" productive. Thats what it feels like a lot of times, going through the motions. You can listen to the meditation and not actually be meditating. You can be going to the gym but doing the bare minimum, not striving. At work, but not giving it my 100%. Distracted and half present. And you know what? Somedays that's okay. But the issue comes when its time to push yourself and you've gotten so accustomed to going through them that you don't even know what it is to actually do them anymore.

We've band-aided our issues to the point of not realizing that they need stitches. In today's age of "toxic positivity" filled with self help books and podcasts galore we are bombarded with so much information that we cannot possibly digest unless we are intentional about it. We go through the motions of putting in the work but at the end of the day we are running on a treadmill not actually getting to where we need to go. We have covered them up with smiley face stickers and said, "You go! You've got this!" so many times that we've somehow started to believe that maybe we are okay.

Fun fact, you can't sweep trauma under the rug. It will manifest itself in different physical, spiritual and emotional ways throughout your body.

That childhood trauma you endured? That will manifest itself in your relationships as an adult. That anxiety? The medications can help numb you but you won't ever feel 100%. It will actually deteriorate your physical health. The depression? It's all consuming and it feels like your soul is made of cement. Your cells are actually vibrating at a lower frequency.

The reality is? Shadow work is hard. Recognizing our demons is hard. Dismantling them? Harder. We ALL struggle. However, putting in the work makes it easier to start dissolving those demons piece by piece. To quote Carl Jung, "“There is no light without shadow and no psychic wholeness without imperfection.”

We all have shadows. That's something we will never rid ourselves of. But that doesn't necessarily mean we need to let it rule our lives. Our unconscious mind is powerful but that's because so many of us are operating on autopilot. We are just going through the motions allowing our shadow selves to take control. We need to stop repressing our fears and impulses and face them head on. Any part of yourself that you disown, turns against you.

It's discipline and sheer self will. I reminded myself of this as I trudged up the stairs and out into the cold to get the dustpan. It's not always the "big" decisions we make that help us succeed the most. It's the little moments that count. 1% better today is what we need to look for in terms of long term success. Count the little wins. The times that you don't let the darkness or voice in your head win. The times that you don't allow your past trauma to be taken out on someone you love. When you don't let your anxiety hold you back from what you truly want to do. We need to focus on being present, wholly in the moment, and truly conscious. Only then can we recognize our triggers and face them head on. Stop making excuses for yourself and do the damn thing.

On that note, I'm taking out the trash now.

xoxo